End of year celebration

We're parking the car at Canyon Grove Academy, late, but we made it. Peter's has been counting down the days until this end of year party, anticipating playing with his two best friends from school.

We find them both inside with their families and we all trail up to the library first. Everyone has curriculum to return and summer enrichment activities to check out. One friend wanders off to look at books and the other finds another little boy he knows and starts talking to him.

While Elliot plays with some cars in the small play area, I grab Story of the World book three and four for summer reading. Vivian's found some books to look at as well, but where is Peter? Oh, right next to me. Not quite what I expected. I guess he's feeling a little timid.

I check out my books and we head to the gym. Three bounce houses are set up in the gym, two simple houses with a bounce area and a slide, and a third obstacle course race bounce house. All three boys head to the obstacle course line one behind another, with Vivian tagging along and holding tight to Peter's hand. Peter's smiling and I'm relieved he's beginning to loosen up.

I turn my attention to Elliot, coaching him into the little bounce house. He's hesitant at first, but once he realizes there are balls and a hoop inside, he feels right at home.

Proving ground

As I'm watching Elliot through the net side of the bounce house, I feel little arms wrap around my leg, and when I look down it is Vivian's tearful face staring up at me. "What happened?" I want to know, but she won't say. I hold her close for a while and then convince her to help Elliot learn how to go down the slide. Off she goes, having fun again.

But my peace doesn't last.

Not long after, I here someone yelling, "Hey! I don't want to race him! I want to race someone else. Hey, I don't want to race him!"

I look up and see Peter's friend pointing at him and air shoving him away, again and again.

They are standing at the front of the obstacle course line, next to race, but it is obvious his friend does not want to race with Peter. My heart aches. Such public rejection. I see Peter shrinking into himself, his shoulders slump and his whole body curls in, as if trying to protect himself.

He looks completely rejected and confused. What is he thinking right now? Is he trying to figure out the best response? What to say? Or does he just feel panic and freeze? The teacher moves them along however, paying no heed to his friends words, and they race each other after all.

But when Peter comes out on the other side of the course, he rushes straight for me. I sit down on the ground, holding him in my arms.

"I heard what your friend said to you, that he didn't want to race you. That was so hurtful. I'm so sorry. If a friend of mine had said those words to me, I would feel really sad, like I wanted to cry. I might wonder why he didn't want to race me, if I'd done something wrong, or if there was something wrong with me. I might wonder if he doesn't like me anymore and why. I would probably cry. And I can tell by the tears in your eyes that you feel something similar. I'm so sorry."

"Do you have any idea why he didn't want to race you?" I ask.

"That's just what I was wondering." he replies softly.

Then after some good hugs and comfort, I offer a few suggestions:

1. Accept that he is really a good friend and we all make mistakes sometimes. Just move on and leave it in the past.

2. Let him know that what he did was hurtful, giving him the opportunity to apologize and be more kind in the future.

3. Find someone else to play with, at least for a little while.

Peter leans into me, expressing no desire to take any of my advice. It's fine. I know what it is to feel embarrassed and rejected. I know it hurts.

"Come on," I say. "I want to see the bunnies."

The kids and I head outside, and by the time we're holding baby goats around the corner, Peter is smiling again. He's over it, but I'm not.

How can I teach him to let rejection roll off, to recognize his worth is not determined by the opinions or acceptance of others? This won't be last time he gets rejected by someone, and I need him to be better prepared next time.

At Chick-fil-a for lunch, I spill the whole sad tale to Caleb, tears coming fresh. He tells me I should read a book. It's what I do, after all. When I have a parenting question, I read books.

So I go to The library. A few books for me, and a few I'll read aloud. I'll probably edit a bit as I read, but I think reading aloud will be the perfect way into some helpful conversations.

Read aloud books

Two middle grade novels with protagonists that must learn to be resilient in the face of rejection.

Hello Universe, Erin Entrada Kelly

"In one day, four lives weave together in unexpected ways. Virgil Salinas is shy and kindhearted and feels out of place in his loud and boisterous family. Valencia Somerset, who is deaf, is smart, brave, and secretly lonely, and loves everything about nature. Kaori Tanaka is a self-proclaimed psychic, whose little sister Gen is always following her around. And Chet Bullens wishes the weird kids would just act normal so that he can concentrate on basketball.

They aren’t friends -- at least not until Chet pulls a prank that traps Virgil and his pet guinea pig at the bottom of a well. This disaster leads Kaori, Gen, and Valencia on an epic quest to find the missing Virgil. Through luck, smarts, bravery, and a little help from the universe, a rescue is performed, a bully is put in his place, and friendship blooms." (Goodreads)

Wonder, R. J. Palacio

"August Pullman was born with a facial difference that, up until now, has prevented him from going to a mainstream school. Starting 5th grade at Beecher Prep, he wants nothing more than to be treated as an ordinary kid—but his new classmates can’t get past Auggie’s extraordinary face. Wonder, begins from Auggie’s point of view, but soon switches to include his classmates, his sister, her boyfriend, and others." (Goodreads)